I think that everything you have said is unbelievably correct, i’ve been saying this for years- though marsh’Allah you have expressed it more eloquently than i would have. The thing is, even when you speak to people and show them that there are ways through these issues, there is always someone who becomes deeply intimidated by this. It becomes tiresome, but this is the reason people suffer in silence. Jazakallah khair for sharing sis.

First, I am not a person of knowledge or a counselor. I suggest you speak with the imam in your community. Explain everything to him and insh’Allah he can give you advice. I feel for you and I pray that things will get better. May Allah make it easy for you! ameen. Remember, we all make mistakes and we are all human. Try to do things that minimize the attraction such as lowering your gaze and not being in contact with that person. Devote more of your time to worship and learning Islam. We are always going up and down in our faith and our emotions. So, don’t lose hope!!! You can make it through this, insh’Allah!

This is very important, do not commit suicide under any circumstances. Suicide is a horrible thing in Islam and will not solve anything. If you kill yourself you then face the trials of the grave which are so terrible that even the Prophet (saw) made dua after prayer to save him from the trials of the grave! To listen more about that visit: http://sunnahfollowers.net/laila/tawheed.htm Scroll down to the Muslim Belief system-Belief in the Hereafter-Death. Also, I encourage you to listen to the other lectures there to help give you hope. Also, join in the live classes offered and you can speak to a person of knowledge directly at http://www.sunnahfollowers.net.

Remember, The Prophet (saw) said: The person who commits suicide will be killing him/herself for eternity with whatever method they used! Subhan’Allah how horrible would that be to feel the pain of taking your own life over and over forever?

Just talk to an imam or maybe even a muslim counselor if you don’t have an imam in your city. And do try to visit http://www.sunnahfollowers.net. We’re currently discussing “Life is a Fitnah” everyday at 2pmEST/7 pmGMT

May Allah ease your burdens, strengthen your faith, and make it easy for you. ameen!

nk – When I say counceller , you really need muslim counceller , she will understand your situation better , she will guide you to allah , non muslim counceller can only help you so much . Muslim counceller will understand your cultural background, she will also help you spiritually which is what you really need .
Y ou have not felt that closeness to allah that is why your saying what your saying , you have despaired before even trying with allah . Do you think allah creats for you to suffer ? no offcourse not allah created you so you know him and get close to him .
Don’t try to understand why some people are guided and misguided , allah chooses who he wants . I went through a phase were I was depresed about my parents not being proper muslims , I was crying about the fact that if they died in their state then they may enter the fire . But i realized thats silly, number one their not dead yet , so their is a big chance , I realized me being a strong person , and asking allah to give me the wisdom to deal with them and show them the way . Allah may have mercy on them and guide them .

So you do not know that allah may guide hawkins and your sister , maybe not now , maybe in ten years , every one has their time . Their have been people that you see and look at them and never once would you have thought that they would become muslim . but allah guided them subanallah.

Really Naima it is in your hands , don”t despair . Try writing all your thoughts and sadness to allah , on a piece of paper , that is what I do by the way . It helped me a lot and relieved me alot of my thoughts . Trust allah will answer , what ever you want tell allah .
allah is to YOU what you think he is , so if you think allah has abandoned you then that is what you will get , but if you think that allah has put you through this for a good reason and that he has not abandoned you . Then you will start to see the positive things in the negative . Allah does not put someone through something with out giving you the tools for it , so ask allah to open your eyes to your tools. Every one has inner strengths its their within you , you need to find it .

I am going to stop typing now , please don’t give up on islam really it is the best thing you can ever have that special relationship with allah is an amazing thing . Ask allah to guide them . What you are saying now is all your emotional turmoil that your feeling . Do not try to understand why it will only make you insane . Focus on you , start praying sincerly . If you want go in a quite corner and speak to allah out loud , as if your speaking to someone . Try that inshallah it should relieve you .

walkum wasalam

I live in the Uk as well , I got that from your post because you said Gcse’s.

Contact me inshallah I can help you to get help .

A lot of what your feeling at the moment seems due to despairing

will I ever find another hawkins? , offcourse you will ! even better then him, But you need to start believing . Despairing is the cause of your sadness. Dont think about finding love , trust me that is not a solution at the moment . You need to get better so that inshallah your stable in the head to marry the right man . You need to start letting go of hawkins . Accepting that he was not in your destiny and that allah will give you someone so much better , that you will not even imagine .

Another thing the reason why your so sad about hawkins , is because he came in your life when you needed someone , he was their he listened to you and helped you . So you got attached and fell in love with him . Which is natrual .

Focus on YOU , get a pen and paper write down what you want to do , and my advice is get an education . Yes you can go back to education their are so many courses out their for people who have been out of education for a while .

Second thing about getting better , yes you can . Focus on becoming a better person , you defintly need to see a muslim counceller . So you can talk out each issue one by one . Like your familly and your pain with your sisters leaving . I can only tell you what I did to become better . but a counceller will do excercises with you that really helped me .

Third most important of all , you can go on forever talking about all the awful things that has happened to you , but do you want to talk about it to let of steam ? or do you want to talk about to make it better ?

Inshallah I am hoping you want to talk about it to become a stronger wiser person inshallah . Do not allow your self to be attached to pain .It really is in your hands , allah helps those who help themselves .

may allah show you the way ameen .

Do not despair!

Sister, Please know that even though you feel alone you are not. You have many Muslims here insh’Allah who are reading your words and making dua for you.

Insh’Allah, I encourage you to read this Post: http://southernmuslimah.wordpress.com/2007/10/22/hardships-benefit-the-believer-why-muslims-dont-sweat-it/

Perhaps it will help to bring you solace.

May Allah guide you and bless you always. ameen

I’m sorry that this has happend to you. May Allah make it easy for you. ameen.

If you would like to talk to a scholar about this you may want to visit http://www.sunnahfollowers.net.