My Personal Friendships and Islamic friendship

7 07 2007

teamworkhands.jpgI am one of those people who have always had several acquaintances and a couple of close friends. Sure, it’s easy to open up and share on the internet. After all, I have a barrier. I don’t worry about the reactions i may get, because I will probably never see these people.

I did have close friends growing up. Though, as I drifted closer and closer to Islam, they drifted farther and farther away from me. I believe they were a little jealous of my time spent talking to the Muslim sister that was helping me learn about Islam. They began excluding me from gatherings and generally ignoring me. To be fair we were in high school. So, I have to factor in the maturity level. I remember hearing from the time I was in grade school, “Whoa, she is really mature for her age.” All of my doctors, teachers, and coaches were surprised to learn my age. However, my friends were more typical teens. That is what bonded us. We had a balance. Still, when it came to grown up issues, they were immature. Thus, the separation, jokes, and general teen conduct that you might expect. By the time I converted to Islam, it was over between us.

My first friend as a Muslim was a very sweet sister. She was the one who helped me make the choice to convert to Islam and she stuck by me through the first few rocky months of my Islamic life. Though, she soon graduated and moved back to her country of origin.

So, I turned to learning about Islam. I began reading books about the Prophet(saw)’s life and the early Muslims. I realized, how they all stuck together during the time they were opressed and tortured. I thought how great it must be to have such friends and companions.This would hit home several years later. I finally did meet some other Muslim women. They were as sweet and comforting as I could have imagined.

I realized that in Islam we don’t have just friends or B.F.F’s. We have sisters and brothers. It is like a huge family. Some of us may have different strengths and weaknesses much like members of a family. However, we still have to love and support one another in good times and bad. We have to be encouraging and at the same time GENTLY remind our “family members” to stay on the right guidance (the Qu’ran and Sunnah). We need to be a support system like a huge safety net for a troubled brother or sister to fall back on.This is how it’s supposed to be if we were indeed following the Qur’an and Sunnah.

Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet said, “A faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other.” While (saying that) the Prophet clasped his hands, by interlacing his fingers. (Bukhari,Book #8, Hadith #468)

What happens when you begin removing the bricks? The wall begins to fall.

Unfortunately, this is happening today. We don’t stick together and encourage one another like the companions of the Prophet did. Instead we become jealous and try to undermine one another.When one of our brothers or sisters is drifting into a dangerous group, their fellow brothers and sisters often remain silent instead of trying to get them back to true Islam. When a Muslim leader is corrupt and oppressing his people,do the Muslims around the world write him trying to advise him to give up his tyranny? Sadly no (see riyad us saliheen ch23-encouraging good and forbidding evil). In some communities around the world a Muslim may even kill his brother for a difference of opinion. This is sad and it needs to stop.

Narrated Al-Ahnaf bin Qais: I went to help that man (i.e., ‘Ali), and on the way I met Abu Bakra who asked me, “Where are you going?” I replied, “I am going to help that man.” He said, “Go back, for I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, ‘If two Muslims meet each other with their swords then (both) the killer and the killed one are in the (hell) Fire.’ I said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! It is alright for the killer, but what about the killed one?’ He said, ‘The killed one was eager to kill his opponent.” (Book #83, Hadith #14)

What happened to making excuses and lowering the wings of humility to one another? Do you know that the Ansar were so accomodating to those muslims who sought refuge in Medina that a man would even offer to divorce one of his wives so his brother could be married? Subhan’Allah what beautiful manners and love for the fellow believers they had! Imagine if we had that type of manners today. Maybe the world wouldn’t view us as terrorists anymore but instead be racing to join this beautiful way of life,Islam.

“And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allaah (i.e. this Qur’aan), and be not divided among yourselves

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:103]

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10 responses

7 07 2007
adikbongsu

Assalamu’alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakahtu,

What you wrote touched a deep cord in my heart. So true… everyday I see how we muslims fail to support one another, most of us are self-fulfilling. If there’s anything to benefit us, then we do it. If not?…we turn a blind eyes to it.

All this supporting and encouranging should be done within our closest family first, then extend to friends and the rest of the muslim community and finally to the rest of the society. Unfortunately, even to the closest family members, most people are not able to forge that kind of relationship fill with support and encouragement.

May Allah shower us all with “Taufiq and Hidayah” …Ameen.

7 07 2007
Umm Yusuf

Wa Alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister,

I totally agree. Many of us can not even be kind to our blood relations much less our brothers and sisters in Islam. So sad.

Ameen to your dua.

7 07 2007
ummabdurrahman

As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:

Mash’Allah, I enjoyed reading your entry. I am on your side when it comes to mentioning what you have. The hadith you metioned about the believers being like bricks on a wall and it enforces one another is such a powerful thing that many Muslims should discover in trying to apply in their lives. Unfortunately, there are a minority that when they try to enjoy the good and forbid the evil, you are looked down on. Insh’Allah, may ALlah guide our ummah.

Jazak Allahu Khair

7 07 2007
poeticmuslim

asalam alaykum , great entry , sadly even amongst practcing sisters their this competetion . what happene to ‘this is for allah’ . alhamdullah I have to say mashallah allah as given me great people in my life as support to finding tawheed ( revert from shiasm to sunnism) ..along the way I had great support even the bad people in my life were a huge lesson in itself .
sadly yes sisiters these days are jelouse of eachother , its amazing because like is way to short to be jeolouse !
may allah bring only good people in our lives and keep away the bad ameen

7 07 2007
carimuslima

How sweet!!!! Yes this is very true everything you mentioned Mashallah. We have to learn to band together and make excuses for one another instead of being the first to backbite and slander. Subhanallah I love this entry also, touchs the core of the problems facing our nation and the lack of brotherhood that is much needed today. Thanks for posting this. Jazak Allah Khairan. Hugs😉

7 07 2007
Umm Yusuf

Assalaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Poetic Muslim: Alhamdullilah you have had good people in your life! May Allah always keep you on the straight path!ameen. You are right, the bad experiences are lessons too. Like I mentioned in the post, we are a HUGE family. Every family has some dysfunction but we still all love each other in the end.

Carimuslima: Wa iyaki. You’re name still isn’t linking to your blog sis!;)

Sister Blanca: You’re name isn’t linking to your blog either. :S Mash’Allah that is one of my favorite hadiths. It’s true that sometimes we will face opposition from the one’s who should be supporting us. It’s really sad.

8 07 2007
Nan

Assalalamu’alaikum,

Just stumbled upon your blog!

You know, you’re right. From personal experience when you try to draw a wayward *or on the fringe of waywardness* brother/sister back you’re see in as being a sort of fanatic. You’re seen as interfering in the person’s affairs. I remember worrying about a brother who stopped praying. I was immediately reminded of my own imperfections. We all have weakness.

Right now I’m just sad my own family isn’t too keen on their religious duties. I’ve tried everything. But like a brick wall everything just bounces back at my face. I’m tired (Is it a sin to say that?). My mum converted when she married my dad but he never really taught her the essense of being a Muslim. As a result even when I try to correct my little brother when he makes mistakes about Islam, like thinking Muslims are not progressive enough, SHE scolds me and calls me names. In my own home I feel alone in the Deen. Like I’m the only one striving… it sure would be nice to have someone encourage me one in a while…

I’ve never stopped being there for people. If I too begin to go astray I pray there will be someone to call me back to the Path. May Allah make it easy for all of us. (Amin).

9 07 2007
Umm Yusuf

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu Nan,

Thanks for checking out my blog! Insh’Allah I hope to see you stop in often.🙂

Insh’Allah just stay strong and persistant in following Islam correctly. Maybe through your actions your family will come around. Remember all the suffering and trials the companions and the prophet himself faced from their families. I can see from your words that mash’Allah you are a strong, intelligent person. Make plenty of dua for your family that Allah will guide them and I will insh’Allah keep your family in my duas as well.

May Allah give you strength and certainty of faith. May Allah guide your family on the right path. ameen.

9 07 2007
Nan

Wa alaikum salam warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Amin. Thank you for your kind words. Really gave my spirit a much needed boost. Wonder why I haven’t stumbled upon your blog all this while. Anyway, Masha Allah. He knows best.

Look forward to reading more of you,🙂

10 07 2007
carimuslima

Ok… LOL so I’m really slow hehehe… inshallah you’ll tell me how to do it for the umphteenth time hehehhe… I’m trying hehhe… inshallah I’ll figure it out after this try. Hugs😉

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