Choosing Sides…caution contains incoherant rambling

11 08 2007

I will come right out and say that I hate being put in a position of choosing sides. It seems throughout my life, I have always had to choose. Ever heard the saying, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too?” Well, just for once, I would like to be able to eat the cake (so to speak). I would like to be able to please both parties. It just never works out that way. No matter how hard I try, I can’t please everyone. I should realize that by now. However, My character is one that does wish to please EVERYONE. I hate conflict and drama. I am a peace keeper by nature. Yet, drama seems to seek me out of all people. Ironic really. Some of my family members feed on drama and yet, they never have the full experience of it.

The most difficult situations to choose between often involve friends, family, mentors, and……..religion. One of my most difficult choices was when I was given the ultimatum: Islam or life as I knew it (parents, home, friends). Needless to say, I chose Islam and haven’t regretted it. In the end, It all worked out for the best as I’m on good terms with my family and practicing Islam. Though, I would be lying if I said I don’t still feel some resentment towards my mother for making me choose at that vulnerable time in my life.

Another thing I hate about choosing sides is when children are forced into this postion. Often, warring parents don’t have the good sense that God gave them to keep their children out of it. Instead, they drag them into the fray and force them to choose where their loyalties lie. All the time, they will offer their children candy, money, toys, etc. to try to push the child in their favor. Usually, this is done for purely selfish vindictive reasons-to see which spouse can wound the other more by using their children as pawns. This is seriously disgusting and any parents who do this, please stop it if you care about your kids at all, stop it now. All this is doing is damaging the child(ren). They will be left confused and feeling used. Feeling that they are not good enough or lovable enough unless they forsake one parent and cling to the other.These feelings will likely linger with them through their lives causing trouble in their future relationships.

With all my negative views on having to choose sides I have to admit……..On a positive note, at least I have a choice! 😀 What can I say, I’m a glass half full kinda gal!




4 responses

11 08 2007

Salam ‘alaik sister,

how true…totally agree with what you wrote because I too hate choosing sides especially when I have deep interest in both parties…and I too hate conflict whatsoever.

Great post sis….because this topic is something that everyone of us can relate.

Jazakillah 🙂

11 08 2007
UmAbdurrahman, "Blanca"

As Salaamu Aalikum Sis:

I enjoyed reading you blog today.
We make choices everyday and our life becomes comfortale and convenient becomes of them. Then there choices that may impact our health and the lives of those we love.
Some choices are easier to make than others. Some other choices don’t come with options or gurantees.
We all go through a learning process in life. Friends and family (especially family) may try to tell you what to do with your life and try to direct your future. Sometimes we listen, sometimes we don’t.
We do the best we can with what we know.

11 08 2007

“On a positive note, at least I have a choice” LOL trust you to see the positive side.

i have to admit, one of the things i’ve noticed about you is that you can always see both sides to everything, and i think that can only be a good thing. xx

11 08 2007
Umm Yusuf

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

I think we must have a very similar personality Adik! 😀 Mash’Allah. I tend to play the peace keeper endlessly.

Thanks for your comment Blanca! I had an “aha moment” reading it. Very enlightening and focused, mash’Allah.

Yes Hema…I am forever optimistic! hehe. I feel guilty when I complain. It seems my mother and I share the same character in that regard. Which makes me think of the hadith: “people can either be born with good character or learn good character.”

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