10 Common Mistakes That Can Destroy A Marriage

23 05 2009

10 common mistakes that destroy a relationship of marriage

In life and love, you may think you’re supposed to always focus on the positive instead of the negative. However, unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions — so that you can correct them — your chances of staying in love ’til death do you part are close to zero. To have your marriage last a lifetime, avoid these 10 common mistakes:

1. Talking “at” instead of “with” your mate. Let his or her body language be your guide. When you’re talking “at” your partner, he or she will tense up. When you’re talking “with” your spouse, he or she will relax.

2. Tuning out — instead of tuning in — to what your mate is saying. When you mind begins to wander, stop and remember that what your partner is saying is important to him or her.

3. Forgetting to thank your mate. Not thanking your spouse for being considerate, thoughtful or kind makes him or her feel unappreciated and foolish for caring about you. even if your mate did something as simple as remembering to wash the laundry or cook dinner or pay an outstanding bill. although it may be generally “considered as a duty”, it is not. In fact the main duty in a marriage is to make the other person happy, for most people, ultimately that does not necessary have to do with chores or bills.

4. Getting defensive instead of saying, “I’m sorry.” When you mess up, the sooner you sincerely say, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong,” the sooner your mate can stop resenting you.

5. Always saying, “I’m sorry,” yet never changing. An apology buys you another chance. However, if you keep making the same mistake, apologies not only seem empty, but annoying as well.

6. Being repeatedly late. Frequently keeping your partner waiting is not only inconsiderate, it’s arrogant.

7. Playing the victim. This behavior not only accuses your spouse of hurting you, but adds insult to injury by implying that he or she is doing it intentionally, when that may not be the case. not everyone has the same capacity of receiving accusations, so it is safest not to jump and accuse your mate of having bad intentions, even if they have repeated similar mistakes in the past.

8. Jumping to conclusions. Presuming that you know what your partner feels — and why — without first getting all the facts is only going to push him or her away.

9. Badmouthing your spouse behind his or her back. This not only adds to the list of secrets you keep from your mate, but also tells others how little you respect your partner.

10. Thinking that doing something once is enough. If you only temporarily stop making the above mistakes — and don’t continue to monitor yourself to keep from slipping back into bad habits — If your spouse was satisfied with that last boquet of roses you bought her or that last set of golf clubs you got him, all signs point to the fact that giving and receiving gifts is a good thing. So keep it up! you’re teasing your partner with changing one time and going to the same old song and dance. You’re also kidding yourself that you’re committed to improving your marriage, when really you’re not.

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Islam And Sex

14 03 2009

Yeah, you read the title right. Islam and sex. No I don’t mean gender. This seems to be a topic that many imams and speakers don’t want to adress.  However, if you go to any fatwa site you will see scores of questions about sex. What is lawful and unlawful? Does the wife have rights over the man? What’s meant by angels curse a woman who doesn’t come to her husband’s bed when he calls? Those are some of the biggest questions that I have personally read.  Alhamdullilah, finally an imam has stepped up to the plate and decided to do an entire lecture series on the subject of Sex in Islam.

This course is now finished. However, you can review the videos/download the recordings from

www.sunnahfollowers.net

or

http://imamhasankhalil.wordpress.com/category/islam-sexual-relationship/

 

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Topics discussed include:

importance of marriage
Sexual lust
sexual satisfaction for wives from an Islamic perspective
How to fulfill the husband sexual need during the menstrual cycle.
our prophet e the real husband
Islamic guide lines in intimate relations between husbands and wives
Real beauty in men and women according to Islam?
Real stories and light humor for all topics addressed
how can husbands and wives please each other
Permitted and forbidden sexual pleasures out side the wed lock.
Description of the best woman according to a Bedouin.
description of women according to age
How to choose your spouse according to Islam and a philosopher…And much more.

Sheikh Hasan Khalil is the Imam of Center Masjid in Arlington Texas
and also a regular speaker at sunnahfollowers.net